I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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