I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
