did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
