i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
