Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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