Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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