Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
