Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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