..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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