So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
