so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
