So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
