Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
