As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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