Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
