He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
