I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
