Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
