where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
