i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
