She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What a dumb baby whore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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