Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
