Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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