I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
