You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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