her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
