hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
