you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
