i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
