So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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