ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
