Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
