In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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