I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
