mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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