Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize