it wasn't lemon gatorade
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
