dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
