Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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