He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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