I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
