all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
