Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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