i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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