The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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