On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize