1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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