i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
