is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
