it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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