I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
