those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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