Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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