Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
