so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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