Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
