kristin has been a bad kristin
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
