The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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