sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
