i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
