Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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