Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
