maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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