What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
